Expanding Horizons

How do you express pain, trauma, memory?

Im using myself as the subject. Can I draw out the internal kept deeply private inside my mind. On the outside is “I’m ok, I’m ok “ and I am ok.

Im talking about historical traumas that have never been addressed as such. Whatever that means. There was no therapy when I was a kid. My teacher asked me if I was ok once, on the day I came back after the death of my parent.

I got in on with it, did well in school, had friends, got drunk with boys in cars.....the usual. I never broke down in public, kept a smile on my face so it’s strange that now I’m in my forties, I feel it so much more. Is it because mental health is more excepted in today’s society? Am I having a mid life crisis? Either way, it’s made me realise that I need to paint or draw or sculpt or photograph. If I don’t have this avenue of release, I get depressed. If this happens to me, who else might it effect and what about the kids that are having their creative expression stunted. What about those kids that don’t fit the government tick box? What will happen to their creativity and confidence? What will happen to our future artists?

Its an important exploration, for myself and for those that don’t fit the box.

My tutor set me a task. How do you express trauma, sadness, bereavement, memory without using portraiture? How else can you visualise this and express it creatively?

Im still working through this but my overwhelming urge is still a recognised theme within my research and practise. It has revealed an importance of houses, boxes, as protection and also as oppression.

The urge to add a human element was still there but from a more informed angle, with layering being an importance.

Surprising to me was the trauma that materialised on the page came from a different place. I have talked about the death of my mum when I was a child but the darkness comes from the trauma that this caused within our family and how it destroyed my bereft dad. The fears that came out were of night terrors and being the child of a man falling apart from inebriated grief. The loss of my safe place and my protector.